


I'm Kinkshaming

by covetsubjugation



Series: The Infamous Story of 'The Squad' [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 08:44:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7308145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covetsubjugation/pseuds/covetsubjugation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"<b>jl</b><br/>does everyone have a weird name of your phone</p><p><b>fight me</b><br/>not everyone but kinda?</p><p><b>best baguette</b><br/>what’s mine</p><p><b>fight me</b><br/>“most likely to shove a baguette up their ass”</p><p>*</p><p>In which everyone has been rudely awakened at 9am and everyone agrees Washington is hot</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Kinkshaming

**Alex: The Certified Meme**  
_disney god, best baguette, fight me, jl_

 **jl**  
laf i love you  
BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP  
IT’S 9AM  
WHY ARE YOU PLAYING RAP MUSIC

 **best baguette**  
why aren’t you awake at 9am  
you have class rn

 **jl**  
shit  
tHAT’S NOT THE POINT  
WHY ARE YOU NUMBER ONE AWAKE  
NUMBER TWO PLAYING RAP AT 9 IN THE MORNING

 **best baguette**  
but clipping. is a bop

 **jl**  
I’M GOING TO BOP YOU OVER THE FUCKING HEAD  
CLIPPING IS A FUCKING BOP MY ASS

 **fight me**  
oh i love clipping

 **best baguette**  
right?!

 **jl**  
DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM

 **fight me**  
wait are you playing clppng or wriggle rn

 **best baguette**  
midcity

 **fight me**  
oh  
then i think john reserves the right to kill you

 **jl**  
THANK YOU

 **fight me**  
but seriously john you have a 9 am class today

 **jl**  
fight me alex

 **fight me**  
that’s my line

 **disney god**  
MARIE-JOSEPH PAUL YVES ROCH GILBERT DU MOTIER DE LAFAYETTE

 **jl**  
you did it now

 **fight me**  
that’s your full name?

 **best baguette**  
SHIT

 **disney god**  
WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT WAKING ME UP

 **best baguette**  
NO SORRY I HAVE CEASED TO EXIST

 **disney god**  
COME BACK HERE  
I JUST WANT TO TALK

 **best baguette**  
NOPE I’M A GHOST I HAVE LEFT THIS REALM I DON’T PHYSICALLY EXIST

 **jl**  
alex you should know that right at this moment hercules is chasing lafayette around the apartment  
they are just trampling over everything  
anndd they just knocked over a glass  
glasses now

 **fight me**  
while i appreciate the live update you should be in class  
i need you to tell me what happens in the second year of law

 **jl**  
is this your way of subtly rubbing in your accelerated course  
seeing as you are also literally in my class

 **fight me**  
er no  
this is my way of telling you that im not in class either

 **best baguette**  
???where are you then???

 **disney god**  
stop texting while im killing you

 **jl**  
neither of you are killing each other  
you’re just flopped on top of each other  
weakly wrestling  
also if you get blood on this floor we can’t get the security deposit back

 **fight me**  
who’s winning tho

 **jl**  
seeing as herc is on top i think he is

 **disney god**  
victory is mine  
i’m just going to go back to sleep

 **best baguette**  
oh good  
wAIT NO I DIDN’T MEAN ON TOP OF ME

 **disney god**  
too late i’ve gotten comfortable

 **jl**  
it’s not that bad  
it’s only for 3 hours until herc officially has to get up to go to class

 **best baguette**  
but what if i need to pee

 **fight me**  
pee on him  
#omorashi

 **jl**  
S E C U R I T Y D E P O S I T  
but srsly alex where r u  
im rushing to class now

 **fight me**  
my boss called me up on assignment

 **jl**  
???  
but isn’t washington your boss  
doesn’t he know you have class

 **fight me**  
yes but it was either me or aaron burr  
and he wanted me instead  
besides i’ve already studied past the chapter for today  
anyways  
what’s going on in class

 **jl**  
if you studied past the chapter why do you need to know  
the prof is pretty pissy im late  
and jefferson is being snide about you being absent and me being late

 **fight me**  
aww he misses me  <3  
I MISS YOU TOO BUDDY

 **jl**  
i just repeated that message to him and he rolled his eyes

 **fight me**  
tell him i’m on assignment  
he hates that i’ve got this internship before him

 **jl**  
just did  
he’s just glaring at me now

 **fight me**  
blow him a kiss for me

 **jl**  
alex  
no  
there is a limit  
that is the limit  
i’m not blowing any kisses at jefferson

 **best baguette**  
i’m losing the feeling in my legs

 **jl**  
too bad that’s for waking us up

 **best baguette**  
is there literally any other mode of payment

 **disney god**  
death

 **best baguette**  
how long have you’ve been awake?!

 **disney god**  
i have ceased to exist

 **best baguette**  
hE JUST WENT BACK TO SLEEP

 **fight me**  
you know i’m looking at clipping again and laf you look a lot like daveed diggs

 **best baguette**  
that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me

 **jl**  
actually laf looks a lot like jefferson too

 **best baguette**  
…  
i want john to move out

 **jl**  
you love me

 **best baguette**  
not right now i don’t

 **jl**  
anyway what’s your assignment on alex

 **fight me**  
soz john washington says i can’t say

 **best baguette**  
is…he just looking over your shoulder

 **fight me**  
yes

 **jl**  
creepy

 **best baguette**  
washington is hot tho

 **fight me**  
he just looked away  
he says he’s flattered but no

 **best baguette**  
is that what he said

 **fight me**  
er not in so many words  
he’s kinda just blushing and looking embarrassed and muttering “i don't” at the same time

 **best baguette**  
he’s blushing???  
i want pics

 **fight me**  
i can’t just take a picture of my boss man

 **jl**  
ha boss man  
that should be his name on your phone

 **fight me**  
it is

 **jl**  
does everyone have a weird name of your phone

 **fight me**  
not everyone but kinda?

 **best baguette**  
what’s mine

 **fight me**  
“most likely to shove a baguette up their ass”

 **jl**  
HA  
WHAT’S MINE

 **fight me**  
“most gay”

 **jl**  
not bad  
but i think we can do better  
how about “gay succ”

 **fight me**  
washington just looked over and then immediately looked away again

 **jl**  
tell him if he’s interested, office hours are 10 am til 2 am

 **fight me**  
jOHN NO

 **best baguette**  
if you want washington you’ll have to fight me for Him

 **jl**  
which him? washington or his dick?

 **best baguette**  
(;

 **fight me**  
here’s another Him i’ll like to introduce you to: JESUS  
i’m actively facing away from washington now

 **jl**  
get your own dick baguette fucker  
can that be our names

_best baguette has changed their name to “baguette fucker”_

_jl has changed their name to “get ur own dicc”_

**disney god**  
i’m kinkshaming

 **fight me**  
i’m joining you  
that is a better name for you tho john

 **get ur own dicc**  
thanks alex  <3

 **baguette fucker**  
even john has changed his awkward name  
when are you going to change your awkward twitter name

 **fight me**  
i still stand by it

 **get ur own dicc**  
coming from someone whose name was literally just “jl”  
you gotta change it  
and my name in your phone

 **fight me**  
you still gotta say what you want it to be tho  
and if you want me to change my twitter user you gotta give suggestions

 **get ur own dicc**  
how about “gay fighter” for me

 **fight me**  
a bit matchy with me

 **get ur own dicc**  
i know

 **fight me**  
<3

 **get ur own dicc**  
<3

 **disney god**  
i think your name is actually fine alex  
maybe instead of afightmeham  
it could just be fightmeham

 **fight me**  
if i change it shouldn’t it be like a revolutionary change  
is fight me iconic yet?

 **baguette fucker**  
it should be short and sweet  
two words  
2 or 4 syllables

 **fight me**  
like you baguette fucker

 **baguette fucker**  
yes alex like me  
va te faire foutre

 **fight me**  
i’ll take that into consideration  
(;  
i feel like this should be a twitter poll

 **get ur own dicc**  
fightmeham seems fine but it doesn’t  
flow?

 **disney god**  
i know right

 **fight me**  
this is a very difficult choice  
should i ask aaron burr  
or washington

 **get ur own dicc**  
you can’t ask washington  
he follows you on twitter  
asking means you know you follow him  
and doesn’t this cross a line or something

 **baguette fucker**  
isn’t aaron burr salty at you right now

 **fight me**  
is he???

 **baguette fucker**  
you are on assignment rn??  
and he isn’t??

 **fight me**  
oh right

*

 **Aaron Burr**  
_last seen at 09:00_

yo are you salty at me rn??  
because i need your help right now

What does that even mean?  
And what do you need my help with?

what do you think my twitter user should be

Why on earth are you even asking me?

i value your opinion?

Right.  
I’ll see you at work, Alexander.

*

 **Alex: The Certified Meme**  
_disney god, best baguette, fight me, jl_

 **fight me**  
well he definitely doesn’t want to help  
sorry guys washington is calling me  
i’ll talk to you cats later  
also john you are officially “gay fighter” in my phone

 **jl**  
<3

*

 **Boss Man**  
_online_

Alexander, please tell your friends not to call me “hot”.

sure, sir  
but like  
you are hot

That's enough

**Author's Note:**

> I like this chapter for once.
> 
> Hello! If you didn't get the clipping joke, (you should listen to clipping tho, Daveed's voice is 10/10), basically clipping's thing is that they don't use instruments, all of their songs are sampled and shit. So midcity, their album, is Very Loud, and involves a lot of static and out of all clipping albums, it probably isn't the one you want to wake up to.
> 
> If you have an idea as to what Alex's twitter handle should be, I'll love to hear it! The idea for John's name came from this [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/laurens_ebook). It isn't mine, go follow it!
> 
> As always, my tumblr is [bisexualexhamilton](http://www.bisexualexhamilton.tumblr.com) (I thought showing you the actual name would be cool cause look how cute it is) and I'll see you soon!


End file.
